My Fostering Journey

I became a foster carer with West Lothian Council 18 months ago when I retired from my job. I had been thinking about fostering for a number of years but I worked full time and had my own family to support so the time was not right for me to take on this commitment. Once my family was settled and I had made the decision to retire from my job I then thought again about fostering and how the skills I had acquired over the years could be put to good use to give other children the support, encouragement, and love that we took for granted. After talking to my family, we agreed that this was the right thing to do so I started the process to become a foster carer.

When my first young person came to stay I was a bit nervous. I didn't know if I could take to the child or if the child would take to me. I didn't know how I would manage difficult behaviour or how this would impact on my family. Everything was an unknown. But, I was excited as I knew I had a lot of experience to draw on and my family were supportive and that I could contact other carers that I had met or my supervising social worker if I had any concerns or wasn't sure what to do.

My first young people I cared for were brother and sister. They were lovely children who I took to right away and they seemed to like me. They got on well with my family and my grandchildren. They became part of the family. We are a close family and we spend a lot of time together. The children fitted in well. They stayed with me for seven months until returning to their parents. We had become quite close and it was sad to see them go. When I dropped them off at their parents house the little boy, who was 2 years old said, 'I'll miss you,' It brought a tear to my eye but at the end of the day I look after the children and keep them safe until they are able to return home or a decision is made about their future.

When these two children returned to their parents, I was asked to take another brother and sister. I cried when I read the background information I was sent. There was no way I could say no. These children deserved better and within 2 days were placed in my care. Life was going to get better for them. What you have to remember is that these children are the next generation. They have to be prepared for their role in society and depending on how they experienced life will determine how they are as adults and how they look after their children.

The little girl had autism, which scared me a bit because I had never come across a child with autism before but I was determined to do my best to make life better for them. She was 4 years old, challenging, wild, still in nappies and non-verbal while her brother was well behaved and easy to get on with. I had some really difficult times with the little girl, which made me think if I was really cut out to be a foster carer but I was determined to do the best I could and not give up on her. It has been hard work but we are nine months on and these two children are a part of the family and doing amazingly well considering where they started.

The little girl is now in mainstream school, coping well and has an amazing vocabulary.  She used to have regular tantrums, throwing herself on the floor, screaming and kicking when she wasn't happy because she couldn't express herself verbally. Now that she can express herself verbally, she doesn't have the tantrums anymore. She will still have challenges ahead but I am there for her to help her through. The boy has changed from someone who wouldn't engage at school to a child eager to learn and has achieved a number of certificates. They are both happy contented children who want to prosper.

This is what fostering is about. Providing basic needs like food, care, keeping them safe but also giving the children the love, support, encouragement and showing them an alternative way of life to what they have experienced at home. I have been fostering for 18 months and loved every minute of it. I am glad that I took that step and enquired about fostering because if I hadn't I truly believe that I would have missed out on something special. There is nothing more rewarding than seeing a child develop and achieve things that they wouldn't have otherwise achieved.

What I have learnt so far, is to be patient, if something doesn't work then try something else. Rome wasn't built in a day so be realistic, things may take time. There is nothing a child loves more than to be cuddled, loved and for you to spend your time with them, although take the lead from the child. They may not want physical contact until they feel comfortable and safe with you. Every day is a school day and I have learned so much so far and I am sure that I will continue to learn. There is nothing more rewarding than knowing that you have made a difference to a child.

What I do would not be possible without the support and training provided by the Family Based Care Team. I have attended numerous training sessions, either on-line or in the office, including child protection, trauma, therapeutic parenting, youth mental health etc, all of which have been extremely useful and a great addition to my knowledge bank. Don't worry if you can't attend a session because they are repeated. In addition to the training offered there is a bank of useful contacts and websites which can be invaluable for advice and guidance. The foster carers are like a family with a wealth of knowledge and experience which they are happy to share. My experience is that 'you are not alone,' there will be somebody who has faced similar challenges to you and it is great to hear about the differences they have made to children's lives.

I intend to foster as long as I am able and be there for as many children as I can. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of foster carers and many children don't get the help they need when they need it, so if you can, look into fostering, it can be very rewarding.